The Sin of Misogyny & the ‘Awkward Side Hug’
Fair warning: This will likely be a longer post than I typically try to write. You have been warned!
Last night, we wrapped up a very successful Spring Soccer Season for my 6 year-old’s team. His little team continually amazes me. I have coached them for 2 seasons and delighted in seeing each of them grow in so many ways. As you might imagine, testosterone runs high even in the bodies of little 6-year-old boys. There is something about sports that makes boys try to prove themselves. They have to prove how tough, fast or skilled they are. Trust me, we didn’t teach a class on hyper-masculinity at the beginning of the season. It’s deeply ingrained in them.
Perhaps, the same is true for all men. I believe this stain of sin affects most men whether its in business, athletics, sexual prowess, marriage and yes…even in the church and its para-organizations. I know this is not the sin of ALL men but I will go out on a limb here and say it is a sin ‘common’ to most men. I am not excluded.
Social Media has been lit up lately with fascination regarding Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary’s [now] President Emeritus Paige Patterson’s views on women in abusive relationships. Not only has his views been critiqued but information has been released regarding his specific counsel to women in abusive marriages [physically, sexually or otherwise] as well as to a female student regarding an alleged rape. In both cases, he counseled the women to ignore the victimization and pray for their husbands and perpetrators
Much has already been written regarding the sickening reality of these kinds of views and counsel. I will not add to that commentary except to say that this is a sin that lurks deep in the church and well beyond Paige Patterson and SWBTS. It lurks in the corners of ‘good ol‘ boyism‘ hidden behind big words like “biblical fidelity”, “inerrancy” and “complementarianism.” All of these words rightly reflect my own theological vision and method yet a stain grows within my conservative theological tribe is growing BUT I will go on record: I don’t believe what Patterson espouses as anything close to complementarianism much to the dismay of many detractors of this position.
If you are not familiar with who Paige Patterson is and why this has become a big deal in the SBC, let me take a minute to bring you up to speed. Paige Patterson along with Judge Paul Pressler are considered the architects who led the conservative resurgence within the SBC in the 80’s. In the late 50’s through the late 70’s, the Southern Baptist Convention was going the way of most mainline denominations like the United Methodist Church and the Presbyterian Church, USA by accommodating Protestant Liberalism and denying of Biblical Inerrancy within its theological training institutions like The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary and it’s five sister seminaries. Even its main publishing house called “The Baptist Sunday School Board” [now known as Lifeway Christian Resources] was affected. Grassroots leadership from guys like Patterson, Pressler and Adrian Rogers helped begin the process of returning accountability for the decisions made in our seminaries and publishing houses to the local churches. This happened primarily through a power grab approach in which local churches slowly ousted trustees and administration for various SBC institutions and replaced them with conservatives like Patterson, Rogers, and others. It was a long and hard fought battle and much relational blood was spilled on its battlefield.
I grew up in an independent & fundamentalist Baptist tradition and came to the Southern Baptist life in the mid 90’s after High School. By this time, the resurgence had taken it’s full effect, at least institutionally speaking. I was fortunate to be educated in two historic Baptist institutions. I received my Bachelor of Arts in Religion & Philosophy from Carson Newman College. This is where I was introduced to this recent SBC history under the dissenting voices of many of the professors who had been ousted from the six Southern Baptist Seminaries. I went on to receive a Master of Divinity at Southern Baptist Theological Seminary in Louisville. So you can see, I have a vested interest in this because I have been trained for ministry through a diverse Southern Baptist framework. Obviously, I came to believe that Biblical fidelity mattered and I drew my line in the sand much to the chagrin of many of the professors that I loved and learned under at Carson Newman.
I share this because, like many of us, I am so prone to tribalism whether it’s being part of the ‘right tribe’ in SBC politics or now as part of the’reformed’ or ‘gospel-centered’ tribe that has formed within the SBC today. The reality is, all tribes are prone to blind spots and failure and the test of a good tribe is its ability to call for accountability when that blind spot gets exposed. More on that later.
If I am honest, for a long time the way I viewed my role in SBC life was about trying to rub elbows with the movers and shakers. It was about serving on staff at the biggest Baptist churches I could find so I could be part of the inner circle. This also meant wholesale and uncritical belief in certain theological positions in order to stay on the inside. I held to then AND still hold today a complementarian position regarding the relationship between men and women in their roles in the family and church. Here is a great video that explains the beauty of complementarianism. Yet, I can say without reservation, my position has matured and changed over the past few years. Sadly, that change has been painfully slow in some ways. What many call complementarianism in guys like Patterson is really hierarchicalism or patriarchalism. I made this mistake for a long time. I have since changed and Gavin Ortland gives a good explanation here.
I have uncritically held to some of the very views that Patterson has espoused on the grounds of biblical fidelity. Thankfully, I can also say with a clean heart that I have never counseled a woman personally to stay in an abusive marriage nor have I counseled a rape victim to keep quiet about her assault. Yet, I have quietly held such views and have even had some conversations that are similar with men and (sadly) women. I am deeply grieved that I held those positions. For too long, I thought they reflected the heart of sound gospel-saturated thinking according to Scripture.
Additionally, I have victimized many women in the shadow of my heart. Though I have never engaged in any inappropriate relationship outside of my marriage, I have done so in the recesses of my mind. By viewing women primarily as objects to satisfy my sexual desire, I victimized countless women. Even in my marriage, I have seen the stain of this grievous sin by not beholding my wife as first a beloved sister in Christ but rather measuring our relationship through the lens of our sex life.
Fortunately, God in his grace revealed to me that I am not alone in this a few years ago. Through the gift of repentance, God opened up several grace-empowered relationships with men who had confessed to the same sin pattern. I am fortunate to have several men in my life who have given each other mutual freedom to publically repent of this stain of sin and do so in an ongoing way. I am also fortunate to have a Jesus loving wife with has been patient with me in this regard. Yet I grieve that I all to often measured the value of a woman not because of her being made in the image of God and giftedness but rather what sexual threat or benefit she poses to me. God have mercy on me a sinner!
Let me return to why I opened with the story about my soccer team. On more than one occasion, I would remind my young men that it was more important “WHO YOU ARE” on the field than “WHAT YOU DO” on the field. That has been sage advice given to me many times over the years in ministry.
Page Patterson and many of his contemporaries have served our denomination in helpful ways and I am one of the benefactors of that service. But like the motto above, simply doing the work of fighting for Biblical Inerrancy and fidelity is only half the battle. The larger and more significant work is ‘who we become’ through the witness of Scripture and the work of the Holy Spirit. It does us no good to fight for the Bible if we do not live by the sufficiency of the Bible. We need doctrine in WORD & DEED. Sadly, power-grabbing seems to be the only way to right the ship in our denomination. Even though this method allowed for the recovery of the Bible in the SBC, I do not believe the reformation has gone far enough. We need a reformation of the heart at the highest and lowest levels of leadership in the SBC. We need more women in visible leadership using their gifts both in the church and in our denomination. We need more than 3 women as trustees at SWBTS to the 30 men who serve in the same post. If we do not humble ourselves, power-grabbing eventually corrupts because when we have it, we will ultimately feel entitled and untouchable and lift ourselves ABOVE who Scripture says we are. We may even think we owe our heroes more than we actually do! That is likely what is happening right now in our denomination and why guys like Patterson are not feeling the rightful heat he deserves for his inexcusable behavior. I am thankful I am a ‘nobody’ in the church world. Pastoring a church plant of 90-100 people is wonderfully freeing BUT I am not exempt from the temptation of feeling entitled or untouchable.
Let me conclude with an Acknowledgement, A Challenge and a Hope.
First, an Acknowledgement: I want to specifically admit and repent of being guilty of the very same uncritical ideology that Patterson espouses. I stand condemned. I beg for the forgiveness of anyone I may of have hurt in teaching or conversing in such a manner. I have at times over-sexualized the value of women either through seeing them mentally as sexual conquests or threats to my holiness. This ideology, feeds the over-sexualization of women and prevents us from seeing them as BOTH equals and complements to Christ’s mission. We have effectively made women less valuable than men in the church. THAT IS NOT GOOD COMPLEMENTARIANISM. Thankfully, I am realizing, along with many of my own brother pastors in the church that I am my own threat to my holiness and my sisters in Christ are not the problem.
I have prayed often from the inception of Grace Church that any woman who sojourns with our church will feel empowered to use their giftedness and feel loved like a sister in Christ. We have a long way to go for sure but that being said, I have no desire to continue with the awkward relationships that we have created in the conservative American church [You know, The ‘Awkward Side Hug’ kind]. I pray that my example will lead men in our church [perhaps other churches] to repent of the same over-sexualization of women that is so prevalent in the American culture. The church is NOT and should NOT be a boys club.
Second, a Plea: As one who has seen his theology mature over the past few years, I want to encourage my brothers and sisters in the ‘reformed’ or ‘gospel-centered’ crowd to beware of the power they wield, whatever that may be. If you were trained in SBC seminaries like I have been, you have likely held to similar views as Patterson as well, so let’s come clean with it. Additionally, all tribes are corruptible so if we are able to obtain any influence in these days, let’s do so humbly. Let’s be willing to speak out when one of our tribesmen or women steps out of line. This includes even the most influential who have earned our love and trust through numerous books on our shelves. Let’s learn from the failure we are seeing played out in front of us in the SBC and vow to apply the principles we are learning.
Third, a Hope: As grateful as I am for the men who afforded me the opportunity to be educated at a top shelf theological institution like Southern Seminary, I am asking those same men to display remorse for their sinful ideology and repent of their ‘good ol’ boy’ tribalism. You are not untouchable and God will make sure of that in his good time. The world is watching and waiting to see what kind of Gospel we truly believe. Your honest and forthright repentance will go along way in displaying that! Remorse & repentance is nothing to fear. Freedom is ours for the taking through Christ-exalting repentance. This is what I am hoping for as I make my way to Dallas in a couple weeks.
With the annual SBC meeting looming, let’s all say at this meeting with solidarity that the Gospel Changes Everything and repentance is a gift to us not a strike against us. The world waits for an answer. Let’s finish the reformation that was started in the 80’s with the reformation of our hearts through Gospel enflamed truth-telling and repentance. Ecclesia semper reformanda.
